Never Say Good-Bye

This is the hardest thing ive ever done. . .
I would have to honestly say the hardest goodbye I have ever had to say, was for my mother when she passed away. That was the hardest goodbye for me because when my mother passed away I was tore up at the thought of it, I didn’t even want to say goodbye I couldn’t even look at her very much. It was a hardest moment in my life. It was truly hard to actually look at her and say goodbye because I never thought for as young as I was I didn’t think I could actually look at her and say goodbye. It hurt me so bad, tore my heart in half, even till this day I am tore up about it. I wish I could go back in time and possibly try to change the outcome of what happened that night. Whenever I said goodbye to her I was strong or so I thought anyway. Even though when I looked at her lifeless body it just made me want to burst into tears and run away. I thought I could be strong when I came into the room she was in, trying to take in the things going on around me. For there was silence a lot of it, even my breathing calmed to a minimum. Looking around I finally caught my breath realizing I hadn’t breathed a breath in a couple minutes. When I finally found my strength I looked up at her and said “Mom I am going to miss you, I’m sorry I wasn’t always the best daughter, I wish you could come back to me so I can make it up to you I don’t want to say goodbye to you because no other mother could replace you. I love you mom and I will always miss you. See you soon.” I started to choke on my words as I had spoken them while I had a few tears go down my cheek, I knew things would get better with time, but only time could tell. My reasons for saying this sad goodbye was because the only mother I have ever had passed away, it’s still hard at times to come to the harsh reality of the fact that “she is gone and never coming back.” It’s just hard to deal with sometimes. Even though this happened three years ago, it’s hard to move past such an abrupt goodbye like that, but I am mostly moved on from it. Sometimes it hard to look at pictures because all I can see is her laughing with me, talking to m and then telling me to get my dad not five minutes before she passed away. It’s a hard thing to deal with anymore, but so far I have made it through everything. There will always be times when I wish I could go back and change how I said the goodbye to her, to somehow make it better, make it to where she hears it. I believe though on that day she heard me loud and clear.